Working in sport development, it is probably no surprise that my favourite subject at school was PE and Games. I was never very academic. Mathematics, science, even foreign languages were a challenge. That being said, I did enjoy school. I particularly enjoyed my time spent with the English department. I was never a huge reader. Even now I have an endless list of books I want to read. A list which I rarely seem to make a dent in. But I did love reading Shakespeare and exploring the subtext. My time spent studying English at school helped secure a love of writing. As a teenager I kept a diary. On occasions I find myself revisiting these and reliving memories from my adolescence. I shudder at the thought of anyone reading them but they do supply a few giggles. Since graduating university I have not maintained a diary but I have continued to satisfy my love of English by trying to learn new words. In all honesty, this is partly fuelled by my competitive streak and a love of scrabble too! Today, I learnt a new word:
Hypophrenia; A feeling of sadness, seemingly without cause.
This is a word I can relate to. A feeling I find myself experiencing frequently. I have a great deal of things to be happy about; I’m getting married in less than 90 days, I have a new job, everyday when I come home I am greeted by an elated puppy (and Parsnip!) and I have overcome cancer. Fantastic, right? I am a very lucky girl? You bet! So why do I simply feel sad sometimes? I don’t know why but hypophrenia is a frequent visitor ever since I found out I was in remission.
I have just completed my second full working week. It may not sound like a huge achievement but I am quietly raising a glass to myself. In a world where normality no longer exists I finally feel like I’m blending in. There is not a day that goes by where I don’t think about cancer or reflect on the scars it has left – physically and emotionally. But I do feel stronger.