The cocktail of pain killers is having an affect on my creative writing skills.
What a week! Unfortunately the cystitis continued into the penultimate week of treatment. Yet again I found myself playing a game of Russian Roulette when going to the toilet. It would be a gamble wether I would escape the porcelain throne pain free or resort to setting up camp whilst the agony in my cramping bladder passed. At the start of this week I spent hours in the bath tub as it was the only source of instant pain relief. The Funny Boy started bringing me my meals whilst I was sat surrounded by bubbles watching endless episodes of Modern Family. It sounds a lot more relaxing than the reality!
It wasn’t until my final session of chemotherapy that I was completely honest about the severity of my cystitis. I wasn’t hiding the pain intentionally. The doctors and nurses had given me ample opportunity to discuss this. I just found it difficult to admit that cystitis was so painful. Also, the symptoms tend to be worse at night and by the time morning came around I always assumed it was getting better. Once again the impeccable staff at the cancer unit at Western General Hospital reassured me that there is always something they can do for the pain and that I just need to be honest. Upon completing chemo on Tuesday I breathed a huge sigh of relief – I feel like I am in the final stretch now.
Friday was challenging. I had my first session of bracytherapy. I had been mentally preparing for this for weeks. I knew what to expect however nothing can help avoid the fear of the unknown. At 7.30am I arrived at the hospital armed with my front runners; Iceberg, Buggernuts and Funny Boy. They did a great job at keeping me calm and distracted whilst I waited for the anaesthetist. The Funny Boy made me a card, Mum showed me wedding dresses and Dad… Well, dad managed to stay awake! I couldn’t get through any of this without them. When it came to say goodbye to them I could see how nervous they were but they all smiled and it was easy to leave knowing when I returned they would be there waiting for me.
Upon returning from surgery and waking up from general anaesthetic I was very uncomfortable and had a great deal of abdominal pain. I had to wait for the results of my CT scan and allow the doctors time to plan treatment before I could be seen. This meant several hours of lying still. I had a catheter and a machine to keep my legs from moving to prevent blood clots. In addition to the pain I found myself feeling very nauseous but also hungry. I felt helpless. As I looked at the clock on the wall I realised it was less than 24 hours until I was due to be meeting for the Queen’s Baton Relay. This was the first time I began to question wether I would be able to run the relay…
…but I was wrong!
I woke up at 7am on Saturday morning and the first thing I did was run through to the living room to put on BBC News showing the Baton Coverage live! I watched Daley Thompson pass the baton to Eilidh Child and turned to my Mum to say:
“I will be carrying that baton today!”
Upon the arrival of the rest of my family I felt like a child at Christmas! I found a new surge in energy levels which have been noticeably lacking over the past few weeks. It was an incredible feeling of anticipation. As the time drew nearer and I got into position to carry the baton I was overwhelmed at the number of friends and family who came out to support me. I was under strict orders to ‘take my time and enjoy every minute!’ which is exactly what I did. As I walked along Duke Street in Leith I took in the smiles and waves of everyone around me. I took a deep breath and remembered why I was nominated to be there. It was an incredible experience which I got to share with so many special people. Even my Nan got to watch it live in Wales!
It is hard to believe that following such a traumatic Friday I could have a Saturday which I will treasure for the rest of my life. I can’t quite believe the difference in a day: Friday was spent lying still biting my lip through the pain followed by Saturday carrying the baton giving a proper FU to Cancer! To say I was overwhelmed would be an understatement. I was on cloud 9! Carrying the baton was always going to be an honour but for me it was more than that. Carrying the baton was a reminder of all the fantastic things I have achieved and I am yet to achieve in my life. Top of my current ‘to do list’ is beat cancer and get married. No biggy! So as I come into the final stretch of my marathon I already feel like a winner surrounded by my Army of supporters on the sidelines. Thank you to everyone for being there! You have no idea what it means to me.
#FUCancer – four days left of treatment to go!